Today reality hit home with spirit, and I couldn't be more surprised.
I brought myself up as a Christian; my parents weren't religious, I went to church on my own. I was the model good girl, memorizing entire psalms, singing at every opportunity. Later, I studied theology quite intensely for years beginning when I was 15, after I'd realized all my assumptions about what was self-evident about spirituality were actually heretical to the church I was sitting in. All that time I'd thought me and the church were on the same page. I don't know who was more astonished and disappointed, me or my pastors.
I became an Agnostic for awhile, which didn't keep me from talking to God in my head as I'd done since early childhood. My confusion wasn't not believing in God so much as not knowing what framework to use. I literally prayed "To Whom it May Concern" for awhile. Then I tried to 'do it right' and be an Athiest for about a year, but I kept apologizing to God for not believing in Him so I finally gave that up as a lost cause. A relationship with God was innate and no amount of wanting to seem more "intelligent and rational" by pretending that since it didn't fit in a test tube, it couldn't be real, was reasonable in the end. Eventually I discovered that God doesn't have an identity crisis. That's our problem, not His.
Finally I began studying the Qabalah, and studying metaphysics as some call it. Most of my "intuitive/innate" understandings even as a child fit better in that category. Not the braindead mush that is some hyper-oxygenated baby drool version of what liberals think Hinduism or Buddhism is, that one hears so much in the 'new age' world. More like a framework that fully believed in spiritual insight and active workings; best labeled a "Christian Mystic". I obsessed on reading the Bible, and the fascinating 'insight' one could get while doing so.
And then I settled down to not give a damn about anything to do with the religion subject for some years.
(Well except for Archangel Michael of course. But that's sort of a no-brainer for me. He is present when I am capable of being 'present' enough in my awareness. Which isn't very often the last few years, I confess.)
Normally I am on spiritual auto-pilot, probably heading neither for heaven nor hell nor some glorious hollywood-wishful, reincarnative body-wide botox, all of which would at least be definitive, but rather, some endless purgatory where the passive go while they think about maybe someday kinda sorta making up their minds about something spiritual, while maybe God thinks about maybe someday kinda sorta making up His mind about them, who knows.
**
The last few weeks I've been changing inside. All the anti-Christian BS being inflicted country-wide offends me. Maybe it's like when your family really makes you mad because of personal politics or dysfunction, but then someone ELSE attacks them and well, hey, that's a different story, now you're defending them! That's how I'm starting to feel about Christianity .
In my little city, the big holiday signs now say SEASONS GREETINGS. I always thought the baby-in-Manger lawn displays were hokey, but every day I am tempted to buy a gigantic American flag to put right out front and, since it's the season, something that has CHRIST all over it. I don't care about the Romans and Mithra; the Mass of Christ is a Christian holiday, no matter how we try to make it a spiritual deadzone by substituting Santa and the tree. What part of Christ-Mass don't people understand involves Christ?
Christian. Yes, that means JESUS THE CHRIST and can you imagine how people would cringe in horror if I actually said that loudly in the middle of Wal-Mart? Despite that probably 85% of the people in the store at the moment probably profess themselves Christians and at least 40% of 'em go to church at least weekly? It would be, you know, irrational. Kinda crazy. To be talking really loud and you know, saying THAT name. I mean hey if it's church let's sing power in the blood and Glory and Hallelujiah and git down for Jesus YAY-UH! but if we're not in church or Sunday is days away, who openly and publicly loves God?
I see the same issues of subversion and suppression by peer pressure and propaganda in politics. They are dovetailing, and I am beginning to wonder if all the stories about the novelty of end times are playing out right in front of my eyes, the drama of the ages, and maybe I have been dismissing too much as myth and tale and not seeing the parallel right in front of me. Not even when Rushdie named it. Not even when little Christian schoolgirls got their heads hacked off. How much does it take to get someone's attention? It took until now to get mine.
I want to know: Who made love of God -- or Country -- an embarrassment? Since when is Faith for the stupid, or Patriotism for the Dim? What has happened to the culture of America at large that the things people believed in, that built this nation into the fantastic opportunity it is, is now passe, we are so blase, it is gone with the wind, gone with the Culture of Cool that elevates child molestors to godlike cult status and buries Jesus in the $1 bin since they're phasing out that stock for "Have a Happy Day, as long as your culture, religion, or mental distortion is not offended by daylight".
The marketing shift of Christmas never offended me this much, to be honest, because that seemed like "a shame, but the way the world is" -- it seemed like a natural progression, unfortunate but, you might say, honest forgetfulness brought on by the mental assault of neon consumerism. But the deliberate atheist/ leftist-attacks to remove all Christian references from everywhere, that is not ok.
It is literally a form of spiritual warfare. People are afraid to use that term because it sounds just as extreme as saying "Islam is the #1 problem in the world right now". Yeah, sounds extreme to people who don't think too hard about the basic reality of it, I guess. That doesn't make it not true. And I know: it isn't new, it isn't news. For some reason, I guess the world had to get to a certain point of corruption and danger before I finally opened my eyes well enough to see.
I think a lot of my passive, more middle of the road, don't be extreme, things aren't that bad, 'inured American inertia' is actually leaving and I am changing, not because the conservatives influenced me, not because the Christians converted me -- but because communism, fascism, sedition, treason, and godless immorality offend me.
**
When I was around 18, at which time I had about 300 songs in a notebook, I wrote in one of them:
Time, about
Well it's about time
'Cause you spend half your life
Just finding out
What you don't want to do
And what you've
Come to doubt...
Part of defining what something IS, is defining what something is NOT. That something can be a person, and a spiritual or political stance, or anything else. Sometimes, I think people have to go through a lot of stuff and learn the hard way what they do not want, do not believe in, and will never do again.
Looking at what I consider pathologically promiscuous prevarication by the Left, and the loosely collusive, seductive sedition by the "govern-by-media" coalition, as well as the consistent de-God-ing of an entire nation founded and grown under God (by God!) has actually put in front of me, more clearly than ever, what I can see and feel is not OF me.
And is not OF the God I have a relationship with when I get my act together.
And is not of any legitimate spirit to preserve America's tenets or freedom.
How many 'passive-on-politics' (and former liberal) Americans are going to wake up over the next year and see what the Hell--excuse my French, but I believe Hell on earth is involved [and the French of all folks oughtta see it coming...]--is going on in our country?
How many other "calm, inattentive moderates" are going to realize that the exploitation of our indecision may imperil the entire nation?
The media, for all its efforts to indoctrinate the mind and subjugate the spirit of this nation, has instead given me a day of prayer and rereading Patrick Henry quotes and others of our founders. In the end, it didn't require years of theology, and it didn't require a degree in political science.
It just required reading, thinking, praying, and feeling inside me what is RIGHT.
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